From 28 to 29

I'm always amazed at how something so routine as a birthday is so powerful as an agent for reflection. I mean, it's just a Wednesday this year. A drizzly, gray sky blanketing half-dead grass and flowerless gardens. It also creates the perfect canvas for introspection.

Perhaps it's because I'm now just under a year from hitting 30, but this birthday feels particularly heavy. If that makes any sense. I am overwhelmed with the need to take inventory and "clean up" the books for the coming year. Which brings me to this post.

Turning 25 was by far my hardest year. No special reason why. Things were great in my life, but I really struggled with it. Like depression struggled. Luckily, my slump somewhat dissipated with a drastic change of scenery during a trip to Sedona with my mom. Moms always know when to sweep you out of the everyday. (I got to go away again this year!) From there, things improved. And, I'm nowhere near that feeling this year (I can't promise that for next year, however). Instead, I feel...grateful.

Sedona circa 2010.

Savannah with my mom 2014

My life still feels so foreign sometimes. I suddenly look around at the tornadic damage in our living room and my grinning toddler and realize it's me on the other side of the picture. The surrealness of everyday life. I'm so blessed to have already had so many experiences in my life, and this is just one more to add to the list. Of course, adding in additional work to this beautiful chaos hasn't been without challenges. But, it is another experience. And another accomplishment, if I do say so myself.


So...gratitude. I'm so blessed to have a support group in my life. Though we may not always see eye-to-eye, I know they're standing with me.

I am lucky to share this chapter of life with a semi-crazy toddler. Even at 3 am, on my birthday. While she's sick. The blessing here is spending the rest of the night sleeping not sleeping and cuddling with someone whose only need for comfort is my presence.

She's even cute sick.

I am glad chocolate exists. Even if it means I made my own birthday cake (cue smallest violin), and I forgot to add the eggs (thanks Mommy Brain), I frosted it with Nutella buttercream and enjoyed a slice with my hubby.

A fudgey, delicious cake. Frosted in Nutella buttercream. And I don't know what happened to the frosting edge...

Speaking of, I am glad to have a partner to go through life with. He may drive me crazy some a lot of the time, he also keeps me sane. And, he keeps food, good food, on our table. Oh, and he made me French toast this morning.

Different kind of cake, but one of my fave pics. From all the way back in 2008.

A final note: while jamming away at the keyboard, pounding out work ahead of a looming deadline, my computer keeps beeping, letting me know someone else has left some love on Facebook for my day. And then my phone chimes in. I'm loved, lucky, and pretty happy with life. Sure, there's a lot looming in the not-to-far future, but if I can stare down the face of 30 and boldly claim to be happy, I know I can tackle the upcoming obstacles this year.

Thanks for indulging me and helping me to celebrate all of life's little moments. Love to you all!

Visit the It's The Little Things link-up hosted by Ashley and Jess!

From Pet to So Much More

It's amazing how selfless pets are, especially considering how selfish us humans can be. We expect from them a constant companion. We confide in them our secrets. We burden them with our sorrow, which they take on as their own. We turn to them for comfort. We drag them through our life changes and ask them to change. We might move them several states away, a few times. We move their homes. We change their routines. We introduce and remove other humans and animals. We take, demand, require, and decide. They give, obey, trust, and adapt.

The bond between us and our pets is like no other. It stands to reason, then, that there is no good way to prepare for a goodbye. No matter how many times you might feel ready. How much you might know it's coming. Or how much you know it's time for them and it's for the best. Selfishly, a part of you always expects they can stay around.

Today, we lost a treasured companion. Tigger was always so much more than a cat. She had an old soul, a spunky personality, and unlike so many other cats I've known, was always available when needed. She loved interacting with everyone and had a purr that rivaled a boat engine. She was the runt of her litter and was left in my uncle's barn as a kitten, deemed unworthy of keeping around by her family. But, I think that's just because she was meant for ours.

We shared our lives with Tigger for 19 years, and she gave her whole 19 to us.

She was in good health until recently, and she went peacefully while with my mom. For that, I am eternally grateful. But, I'm also heartbroken. It's really the only way to feel when you've lost a friend you've had the majority of your life.

For awhile, I questioned the decision I made to send her to my mom's this summer. But, since Hayley was born and Skitzy (our other cat that Tigger was kind enough to tolerate for 8 years) was gone, I knew she wasn't getting the same attention she used to and the attention she still wanted. She actually found a surge of youth being around other animals and my mom. And, she lived out her last several months surrounded by love, attention, and friends. I don't know that she would have stayed as long as she did had she been here.

To Tigger. The one creature who probably knew and remembered more about me than I would ever care to admit. She graciously lived with, throughout her life, six other animals. And, she made friends with all of them. She lived in seven houses. She lived in two different states, twice. She made several long roadtrips over 11 hours. She survived the birth of a new baby and adjusted.

She was a good friend and will be missed.

From Day 1 to 30

Happy Thanksgiving!

November :: Thankfulness. Everyone is riding the holiday wave, coming off of Halloween and heading into Christmas. So, somehow, Thanksgiving gets nearly a full month of focus. Not that I'm complaining. If it were up to me, I would stretch fall throughout the entire year. Maybe one month of spring and one of winter. But, pretty much just fall. Rather than trying to make myself write a Facebook post of thankfulness each day of the month, as is the trend, I thought I'd spare everyone's newsfeed space (and also, there's no way I would be able to keep that up every day) and just do one post dedicated to being thankful. A whole 30 days worth. Without further ado...

Day 1: I am thankful to be a child of God. It makes everything else I am thankful for possible.

Day 2: I am thankful for grace. Both holy and that of those I love. Because I am deeply flawed (anyone else?) and mess up sometimes a lot. It might be something small like dropping my phone on my child (you know, hypothetically) or something big like putting my selfish needs before that of a good friend and failing them in a time of need or forgetting to make prayer a priority. But, by grace, in all of these scenarios I am able to acknowledge the mistake, apologize, and try again. Grace is a wonderful thing, and I do hope it is something others see me extend to them.

Day 3: I am thankful for my little family. My husband, who is not only my friend and partner but my oh-so-needed gut check and our current provider. My baby girl who helps keep my ego in check. On a daily basis. Being a stay-home mom has narrowed my world view a little, and I am so thankful these two are my world. Even at their worst (which isn't often), they are still the best parts of my life. Love and cherish them both dearly. And Sadie. She's a good pup.

Day 4: I am thankful for my mom. She raised me, and that's reason enough to be grateful. But, she continually provides me with a great support system and friendship.

Day 5: I am thankful for my in-laws. It's not easy to incorporate yourself into someone else's family, and it's not easy to also incorporate them into yours. But, I have a pretty great group of people who have really adopted me into their lives.

Day 6: I am thankful for food. Don't judge me. I love and appreciate good food. That's part of why I married my husband. (not joking...)

Day 7: I am thankful for fall. It's football, leaves, cozy clothes, jeans, fires, cocoa, cider, pumpkin everything, baking, cool breezes, and beautiful.

Day 8: I am thankful for coffee and wine. They each have a job to do. And they do it well.

Day 9: I am thankful for the internet. Seriously, I am old enough to remember times when we didn't have it, but how did we function??!

Day 10: I am thankful for a home. It may not be the home I want forever, but I am humbled by having one and knowing there are so many who would love to be homeowners.

Day 11: I am thankful for small businesses. They keep the American dream alive, and they feed the middle class.

Day 12: I am thankful for cell phones. They annoy me, but they've also kept me sane, safe, and in touch.

Day 13: I am thankful for digital photography. I wouldn't be able to afford taking pictures with film. 200 files from a two hour stint at Halloween. Yep, that's me. Thank God for digital.

Day 14: I am thankful for stay-at-home moms. I so admire each woman's decision to do this. It's not soap operas and bon-bons.

Day 15: I am thankful for working moms. I so admire each woman's decision to do this. It's not easy.

Day 16: I am thankful for little ones sleeping through the night. (or at least putting themselves back to sleep)

Day 17: I am thankful for formula. I never thought we'd need or use it, but I am so appreciative that it was an option for us since breastfeeding was not.

Day 18: I am thankful for pizza. Not much else to say about this.

Day 19: I am thankful for music. It has so much power over me. I can use it to change, enhance, define, or ignore a mood. I wish I could contribute musically in life, but I can appreciate it.

Day 20: I am thankful for pillows. All three of mine. Graham would argue I should be thankful for less of them, but I say more is more.

Day 21: I am thankful for good friends. So many times I have learned the harshness of people, but I know I am blessed to have a few good people to call friends. I love each of you.

Day 22: I am thankful for TV and good books. There is such a value for things that entertain and/or distract us.

Day 23: I am thankful for education. I loved it (though I hate paying for it), and I am so grateful to live in a country where education is valued.

Day 24: I am thankful for clean sheets. Mmmm......

Day 25: I am thankful for blogs. They are a great environment for sharing personal experiences and opinions.

Day 26: I am thankful for chocolate. The fact that I was able to put it this far down the list shows great patience on my part.

Day 27: I am thankful for literacy. My life and knowledge base would suffer without the ability to read the wisdom and creativity of others or the ability to chronicle my thoughts and feelings.

Day 28: I am thankful for chocolate chip cookies. This is different than my appreciation of chocolate. There is something so therapeutic about baking cookies and passing them out to loved ones. 

Day 29: I am thankful for the holiday spirit. The collective feeling of warmth, giving, appreciation, excitement, joy, anticipation, love, and friendship is never stronger than the days leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas.

And, finally, Day 30: I am thankful for the beautiful blue mountains that surround me (or are closeby). They are constant reminders of the beauty life offers and the promise of finding something precious and familiar in this crazy world. They let me know I have found my true home.



As a bonus, I'm also thankful for you, dear readers. However few of you there may be, I am grateful that you took a few minutes of your day to share in my gratitude. Would love to hear your reasons to be thankful!

Thankful for Procrastination

As Facebook is the primary news source for most of us, it may appear to those in my friend list that I am an ungrateful person since I have failed to jump on the bandwagon of posting one thankful thing a day in November. That's not the case; I'm just a habitual procrastinator. Or, I'm a genius. Because I can now post all 24 items the eve before the day the nation takes time to remember all of the blessings it has. Hokey as some may see it, we truly are all blessed day in and day out. Sometimes blessings are cloaked in crisis or sadness, but there always seems to be a bigger picture. I call that God. Some call it Fate. Others may call it karma.  Whatever the name, let us relish in all the things that do and don't happen to make our lives what they are.  That said, I am thankful for:

1. my faith in someone so much wiser than I. It's such a comfort to feel I am not entirely in control all the time. I have little patience and am often guilty of being shortsighted. Thankfully, God has my back.
2. my perfectly imperfect husband. He may not love that description, but it actually depicts the kind of person I want to love. Someone who is not so perfect I feel inadequate, but someone who is awesome enough to help me improve. Also, he's an amazing cook. That comes in handy (though my pants may disagree). 
3. my family members. Yes, all of them. Good or bad, they have influenced me to become the person I am. And, while there are some loose screws, I have some amazing people. You may see some of them reappear later on in the list.
4. my friends. I am talking about the true-blue kind. The ones that know almost everything there is to know about me and still tolerate, and in fact love, me. I keep only a few people who I can bare my soul to, and I certainly pity, errr...am grateful for, them.
5. my mom. It's necessary to list her separately because she fills both the family and friend category. Truly an inspiration in my life and one of my dearest friends and role models. So blessed.
6. my pets. Tigger and I have had some long, intimate conversations. She's a good listener (for a cat). Skitzy gives me some entertainment and is helping me build patience for children. Sadie is just the best dog on the planet. Period.
7. the Internet. It had to make my top ten because I spend so much time working, surfing, pinning (shout out to the Pinteresters!), researching, deal seeking, uploading, downloading, and time wasting on it. What would I do without it? Read a book, re-learn to sew, polish my cooking skills, clean the house...hmmm.
8. my job. I am glad to be employed in any situation but especially so in a "recovering" economy. And, it helps to love my job a majority of the time. 
9. to almost be done with my master's. It will be number one on next year's list. And, probably on Graham's. Trust me.
10. peppermint mochas. Okay, Starbucks. Okay, coffee in general. But, peppermint mochas are pretty great.
11. a roof over my head. At this point, I'm not prioritizing the list so please don't judge that my dwelling didn't make the top ten. It takes a lot of my resources, so it's a love/hate relationship. But, I am thankful to have shelter from the elements and a place to call home.
12. sarcasm. It's a healthy way to express feelings and spur discussion. Jon Stewart is a master; I am honored to share in the craft.
13. music. It calms me. Energizes me. Angers me. Saddens me. Makes me happy. Takes me into my own world. I wish I could sing or play an instrument. I will just have to live vicariously through offspring. Definitely learning the mandolin, kids!
14. wine. Do I really need to explain?
15. North Carolina. This place saved my life. I love the state, and without bias, I am pretty sure it is the best state in the nation. Although I hear Chicago may be applying for statehood.
16. the mountains. I never understood spiritual connections to place until I spent time hiking in and staring at the majesty of the Blue Ridge. There is true healing in the mountains beyond any I have found.
17. books. I love a good story. I can become a part of it, get lost in it, and relive it. A truly good story can expand the possibilities of reality.
18. speaking of...possibility. I love that every day holds a fresh start, and that we have been given the opportunity to choose to make mistakes. Of course, we can choose to make good decisions, but in the grand scheme, the mistakes tend to be the choice we make. As long as we learn and move on...
19. autumn. Crisp air, cool breezes, magnificent colors, cozy smells, candles, fires, leaf piles, Thanksgiving, Halloween...fall has it all.
20. sales. I hate paying full price for things. Sales are a great way to feel a sense of accomplishment. Without caution, however, they can also strain the wallet. But, it's a good deal!!!
21. showers. I can't imagine a world without bathing, and I admire those who went weeks without bathing in the Dark Ages. I'm not sure disease was the cause of death for all of them...it could have just been depression that a nice warm shower would have cured. I just know I always feel better after a steamy shower. 
22. chocolate. I love it. That's why it usually makes my bio in online profiles, and it's probably why it dominates about 10% of my conversations. I love baking, but I'm not sure if it's only because that means I can use more chocolate.
23. creativity. Pinterest (oh gosh, it made the list twice). I love ideas and love being inspired. Even if I'm not the one using the creative energy, it's so wonderful to be surrounded by it. 
24. procrastination. Sometimes the best things come from waiting. It can be stressful, but I have found in my years as a procrastinator that it also has the ability to inspire. And, procrastination gave me the gift of composing this list and thinking of all the wonderful blessing I enjoy in life. 

May you be blessed with a wonderful Thanksgiving!