The One With All the Resolutions

If you were (or still are) obsessed with Friends, you may recognize the title.  It's a great episode which depicts the fragility of our New Year's resolutions.  Here's the one which spoke to me, however:

Setup: Rachel tries to make a resolution which will prove to be very challenging.  Monica reminds her of a previous failed resolution by grabbing her diary and reading:

Dear Diary, I am so excited. My resolution is to write in you every day. I'll see you tomorrow. 

(Fans the pages of Rachel's diary) Nothing!

I can relate. (Note the date of my previous blog entry).  Of course, I have some great reasons for procrastinating.  I have been juggling the school/work balance (side note, 3 nights of class left!!!) and, on a more exciting note, have been navigating the first 15 weeks of my first pregnancy.  Nonetheless, this scene reminds me that I too have failed to follow through on something which has significance for me.  

So why now?  Well, I am staring down the barrel of a three-day lock-down weekend where I do nothing but finish my master's thesis paper and presentation.  And, as I have mentioned, I am a procrastinator.  I have realized however, I tend to procrastinate with reason.  I am putting the paper off tonight so I can freewrite and play word games.  I convince myself this will help open my mind for serious writing tomorrow.  I put off work projects because I feel I work better under a deadline.  And, I put off writing a blog post because I slept most of my first trimester.  Reasons, maybe, but I'm sure this is likely personal justification to help me deal with this flaw on a daily basis.  

Those who don't understand the mind of a procrastinator may believe the things which are put on the back burner are less important.  For me, anyway, this is false.  I love writing and would love to be more up-to-date on my blogs, my baby journal, and other projects.  I love baking and have pinned tons of recipes I want to attempt (by the way, Pinterest is not healthy for procrastinators--more later).  I love reading and have an entire bookshelf full of books I want to read (and that doesn't include the books on my Kindle).  

I hope there are others who understand this disease.  I'd love to hear any remedies or tricks you've found to better manage your energies and focus.  Of course, I suspect most of the people who understand this post will never get around to commenting...

Newton's Third Law

Sir Isaac Newton

Ok, if you know me, you know I am not a physics buff. I also hate math. Typical girl. Sorry, STEM, you weren't around when I was in middle school. Anyway, Newton's Third Law of Motion, for those of you who avoided physics right along with me, is "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". (I didn't even have to look that up!) What woke me up in the middle of the night last week was the limitations of this law. Sure, it's true in physical sciences, but it definitely fails to hold up in social science. That's where character comes in to fill in the gaps left by Newton.

Consistency breeds character. Whatever your religious or nonreligious view might be, we can probably all agree humans are imperfect. It's who we are, and I have not yet met anyone without flaws. Thank God, or I would look pretty silly because I am definitely under that imperfect category! While many philosophers and great minds have pinned moral character to works, I see this as a flawed view of character. Perhaps we could call this more reputation-building than character-building. (Side note, read this great blog by Donald Miller on character vs. reputation here.) I think one's character is from the consistency in one's reactions. Whether this is reaction to something that happened to them or something that they did, people show their true nature when people look to them for answers, comfort, or friendship.  Since we all make mistakes, it stands to reason that we could be compassionate and empathetic when people do something we don't agree with or something which is deemed unethical. But what stings more than someone doing something to hurt you is how they are after the hurtful action. Think about a breakup from your past. Don't you want the other person to be sad by the termination of the relationship? The same is true for other situations. Are they apologetic and remorseful? Are they humbled and shamed? Or, do they ignore the hurt? Do they show callousness and heartlessness? In marketing, we learn the best repair in public relations for a wrong against the consumer is to admit the wrong and issue an immediate and heartfelt apology (see this story about Tom's Shoes). So when people don't do that, we begin assessing the true character of the person or company.

I am currently in an ethics and legal class for my master's degree (don't be jealous). While the text is quite awful to plow through, there was an assignment from the text which seemed to link to this topic (don't you hate it when school actually has real-world application?). We had to choose one of six ethical approaches to business. The text called the one I chose the least popular in modern times. Virtue theory. This approach talks about judging ethics by the character built rather than the action performed. There again, we are looking at the bigger picture. The motive for the action and the reaction after it is done. The book that immediately sprung to my mind was The Book of Virtues by William Bennett. Were you thinking the same thing? If not, don't worry. It's a hefty 821 pages of text and stories all centered around building virtue in various areas of life. The reason I thought about it comes from my childhood. As a kid, I read that book in its entirety. Twice. And then I reread my favorite stories as I felt the urge. I don't know why I was ever drawn to read that, but I do hope it had some influence on me.

I would side with the wise Donald Miller (seriously, read his blog) and say it is far more important and so much more difficult to build character over reputation. Your reputation is the actions you do that others witness. Your character stems from the internal workings surrounding that action or the actions of others. When something terrible happens in the world, do you immediately think of how that could affect you or how that might have been you? Or, do you think of the pain others are going through. Be honest, becase I have known people on both sides of those reactions. When you wrong someone, do you immediately swallow your pride and beg forgiveness? Or do you shy away, assumming that is the right thing to do?

Character. It's not easy. It's not always popular. No one will congratulate you. People might not even notice. It's rarely fun. But, in the end, it's all that really matters.

Thankful for Procrastination

As Facebook is the primary news source for most of us, it may appear to those in my friend list that I am an ungrateful person since I have failed to jump on the bandwagon of posting one thankful thing a day in November. That's not the case; I'm just a habitual procrastinator. Or, I'm a genius. Because I can now post all 24 items the eve before the day the nation takes time to remember all of the blessings it has. Hokey as some may see it, we truly are all blessed day in and day out. Sometimes blessings are cloaked in crisis or sadness, but there always seems to be a bigger picture. I call that God. Some call it Fate. Others may call it karma.  Whatever the name, let us relish in all the things that do and don't happen to make our lives what they are.  That said, I am thankful for:

1. my faith in someone so much wiser than I. It's such a comfort to feel I am not entirely in control all the time. I have little patience and am often guilty of being shortsighted. Thankfully, God has my back.
2. my perfectly imperfect husband. He may not love that description, but it actually depicts the kind of person I want to love. Someone who is not so perfect I feel inadequate, but someone who is awesome enough to help me improve. Also, he's an amazing cook. That comes in handy (though my pants may disagree). 
3. my family members. Yes, all of them. Good or bad, they have influenced me to become the person I am. And, while there are some loose screws, I have some amazing people. You may see some of them reappear later on in the list.
4. my friends. I am talking about the true-blue kind. The ones that know almost everything there is to know about me and still tolerate, and in fact love, me. I keep only a few people who I can bare my soul to, and I certainly pity, errr...am grateful for, them.
5. my mom. It's necessary to list her separately because she fills both the family and friend category. Truly an inspiration in my life and one of my dearest friends and role models. So blessed.
6. my pets. Tigger and I have had some long, intimate conversations. She's a good listener (for a cat). Skitzy gives me some entertainment and is helping me build patience for children. Sadie is just the best dog on the planet. Period.
7. the Internet. It had to make my top ten because I spend so much time working, surfing, pinning (shout out to the Pinteresters!), researching, deal seeking, uploading, downloading, and time wasting on it. What would I do without it? Read a book, re-learn to sew, polish my cooking skills, clean the house...hmmm.
8. my job. I am glad to be employed in any situation but especially so in a "recovering" economy. And, it helps to love my job a majority of the time. 
9. to almost be done with my master's. It will be number one on next year's list. And, probably on Graham's. Trust me.
10. peppermint mochas. Okay, Starbucks. Okay, coffee in general. But, peppermint mochas are pretty great.
11. a roof over my head. At this point, I'm not prioritizing the list so please don't judge that my dwelling didn't make the top ten. It takes a lot of my resources, so it's a love/hate relationship. But, I am thankful to have shelter from the elements and a place to call home.
12. sarcasm. It's a healthy way to express feelings and spur discussion. Jon Stewart is a master; I am honored to share in the craft.
13. music. It calms me. Energizes me. Angers me. Saddens me. Makes me happy. Takes me into my own world. I wish I could sing or play an instrument. I will just have to live vicariously through offspring. Definitely learning the mandolin, kids!
14. wine. Do I really need to explain?
15. North Carolina. This place saved my life. I love the state, and without bias, I am pretty sure it is the best state in the nation. Although I hear Chicago may be applying for statehood.
16. the mountains. I never understood spiritual connections to place until I spent time hiking in and staring at the majesty of the Blue Ridge. There is true healing in the mountains beyond any I have found.
17. books. I love a good story. I can become a part of it, get lost in it, and relive it. A truly good story can expand the possibilities of reality.
18. speaking of...possibility. I love that every day holds a fresh start, and that we have been given the opportunity to choose to make mistakes. Of course, we can choose to make good decisions, but in the grand scheme, the mistakes tend to be the choice we make. As long as we learn and move on...
19. autumn. Crisp air, cool breezes, magnificent colors, cozy smells, candles, fires, leaf piles, Thanksgiving, Halloween...fall has it all.
20. sales. I hate paying full price for things. Sales are a great way to feel a sense of accomplishment. Without caution, however, they can also strain the wallet. But, it's a good deal!!!
21. showers. I can't imagine a world without bathing, and I admire those who went weeks without bathing in the Dark Ages. I'm not sure disease was the cause of death for all of them...it could have just been depression that a nice warm shower would have cured. I just know I always feel better after a steamy shower. 
22. chocolate. I love it. That's why it usually makes my bio in online profiles, and it's probably why it dominates about 10% of my conversations. I love baking, but I'm not sure if it's only because that means I can use more chocolate.
23. creativity. Pinterest (oh gosh, it made the list twice). I love ideas and love being inspired. Even if I'm not the one using the creative energy, it's so wonderful to be surrounded by it. 
24. procrastination. Sometimes the best things come from waiting. It can be stressful, but I have found in my years as a procrastinator that it also has the ability to inspire. And, procrastination gave me the gift of composing this list and thinking of all the wonderful blessing I enjoy in life. 

May you be blessed with a wonderful Thanksgiving!