Confessions

Ever have one of those days where you just want to spill your guts to someone? Those times where you actually don't want to have a conversation; you just want a captive audience. No? Just me? Well, you can guess where this post is headed so if you came expecting to read something insightful, forget about it for today. Today I am going to be selfish and blurt out some confessions and thoughts to a blank screen. And maybe it will make someone else feel a little less selfish for wanting to do the same thing. Or, at least, that's what I will tell myself. Here goes.

• Sometimes I think I only work out so I can eat junk food that day and feel less guilty. Hello Friday.
• I love playing with my girl, but there are days where I count the minutes until naptime. Those are usually the days where Karma calls in the No Nap Ninja. Ever had a visit from that guy? He's delightful.
• One of the hardest things about being a mom and staying home is following routines. I despise them. I guess you would call this me being stretched for growth. So far, no luck.
• Another reason I am not a workout fanatic is because of this resistance to routine. I like the feeling post-workout, but I truly hate doing the same thing every day. Which is a bit ironic, since I do drink coffee everyday while checking email and Facebook. Hmmm.
• I talk to myself while I cook (I also do this other times, but let's focus). I have always pretended I am hosting a cooking show, even when I was little and "cooked" with a microwave. I also used my mom's cookbooks for pretend school (my brother was the lucky student). I have no idea where this came from. If nothing else, narrating my day or my cooking was not a mom adjustment I had to make. I talk outloud whether Hayley is around or not. (I think I hear them coming with the straight jacket.)
• Since it's almost summer and since I rarely get to drink coffee while it's hot anyway, I've given up and started making iced coffee. And I almost like it better. Jumping on the iced coffee bandwagon.
• I hate keeping secrets. (Gosh, I bet this is shocking considering the post topic.) I will keep secrets for a friend, but that leaves very little room for mine. So I am pretty much an open book if you get me talking (which isn't hard to do).
• I could never live at the beach. Give me cool mountain air anyday over waves/sand/sun. I actually only enjoy the beach one or two times a year. I get bored.
• I wish I could sing. I truly can't hold any (good) notes. I always dreamed of being a singer, but it seems you have to have some talent to do that. Or have kids. Poor Hayley...
• I resisted the peer pressure to get an iPhone for years. And now I want one. Android keeps letting me down. The final straw is the crappy cameras on nearly all Android phones. 
• My favorite holiday is still Christmas. I love decorating, baking, and wrapping presents. I hope to be able to host Christmas more now that we have a kiddo. See next confession.
• I LOVE hosting. Maybe that's why I found myself planning/hosting four parties and a beach trip this year. It relaxes me to organize parties (mostly), and I love the joy a party can bring to the honoree. Makes me feel like a chocolate chip cookie...warm & gooey inside. (I also love chocolate chip cookies.)
• I NEVER wish for summer. I wouldn't shed a tear if I never saw another thermometer above 80. I dread summertime. I hate shorts. I hate mosquitoes (though they love me). I hate being hot. From the time it warms up (in Charlotte that is typically April) until it cools down for fall (not until October), I count the days and hibernate indoors as much as possible. Being pregnant during this time was rough last year. I see why people have spring babies.
• I only visit Illinois for my friends, and that says how much they mean to me. Because I hate flying back there. I actually get nauseated thinking about it. I don't mind Chicago, but the rest of the state gives me a yucky feeling inside. It always has, and that's why I left. But, I will be headed there in August this year for a friend's wedding and to meet another's baby (Hayley's best friend). I love you ladies! 
• I always wanted three kids. Then I had one. Now I am more reasonably considering two as the final count. (Graham was right on this ONE thing.) 
• I have a HORRIBLE long-term memory. Honestly, I think I've blocked a lot of time periods from my mind without realizing it. That unfortunately leaves a lot of gaps. If you ever see me smiling and nodding along, it's nothing personal. I've been through some stuff that my brain doesn't want me to relive. My short-term memory, on the other hand, is spectacular. Which is why I always cram-study. Does me no good to start earlier than necessary (my procrastinator self just high-fived my crappy memory).
• Ironically, I have a tough time letting friends get close (which speaks volumes for those I do let in). I think it's because I do open up so much when I trust someone. I've learned to be more cautious with handing out trust cards than I was in the past. So I keep a very small circle of friends and a much larger circle of acquaintances. 
• I want to do something great. I just don't know what that is. I have dreams of writing, of being an event planner, of helping Graham open a restaurant, of starting a business, of working for a great cause, of raising great kids, of winning the lottery...I guess time will tell what happens. Though, sadly, I doubt it will be the lottery thing. Spoiler alert: I would truly be someone who would pay off debts for friends/family. I'd spend some, too. 
• My five year anniversary is Saturday. Crazy how fast time goes. 

Whew. And there you have it. Happy Friday!