From Mom Work to Mom + Work

This week, I started a part-time (10ish hrs/wk) job, with the potential for additional hours/responsibilities. The challenge for me is that we aren't sending Hayley to a daycare or parent's morning out program. The morning out program may eventually come to pass, but for now, I am still staying home with her for financial and logistical reasons. Also, she can be pretty fun to hang around with.

The great thing about the new role is the ability to work any hours, from home. That said, I am feeling the challenge of balancing play time, work time, other work (additional side project) time, house duties time, meal time, errand time, and oh yeah, maybe me time. With everything else we have going on (more on this later this week), it is definitely filling my plate. Lucky for me, I love a good challenge.

I posted this article on Facebook this week. It's a fantastic (and quick) read. I encourage you to take a few moments to look at it. But, if you don't, the gist is the author working through "owning" being a mom. Just a mom. Because as progressive as we like to think we are as a society, there is still a stigma around staying home with your kid(s). My good friend, Niki, did her master's thesis on women opting-out of the workplace (taking a break to focus on family). Bug her for a summary of her paper and results...maybe an upcoming post for The Take3??

Anyway, when you do choose to be a parent at home, it is an emotionally taxing decision. As is choosing to work. I don't want to marginalize either choice, so I'm just focusing this post on the choice to stay home. But, both choice deserve equal respect. For me, it was incredibly challenging to find an internal justification for staying home. Even though I worked remotely (mostly from home) for 18 months before Hayley came along, dropping the external work role felt...awkward. Almost wrong. I kept a side work project as a contractor, partly to give my mind a reason to stay sharp in the working world, and partly to feel like I was still contributing, both to the workforce and to the household income.

The thing is, I was trying to justify a decision we made. I know I don't watch TV, binge on junk food, and shop all day. My family knows it. My mommy friends know it. But, I still felt the need to justify what I was doing, if only for myself. The article really speaks to me in needing to completely dedicate myself to my mommy role. Because it is my full time job. The difference is I know the employers pretty well and I don't have a blood-pressure-skyrocketing commute. Sure, the pay is pretty awful, but I've had jobs on the outside that weren't all the great in the check department.

Maybe it would have been easier to own if I had interviewed with my husband and a few other people. If I had prepared to discuss the ways in which I would enhance the organization and support my coworkers. If I had negotiated days off (really wish I had done that!). If I had waited to receive an acceptance email or call, welcoming me to the new position. Maybe then I would have mentally acknowledged this as a job. One that is recognized in the world, and one that I can claim at any event and in any group, without having to quickly say I also kept up my contracted clients. That I also volunteer. Yada, yada. My title could simply be Mom, and I would be okay.

My office/playroom (from Instagram...follow me here).

After much reflecting at onset of the new year, I truly can say I am proud of what my husband and I chose to do, and I am blessed we had the choice as an option. Sure, it's been unbelievably tough at times. But, all jobs have their challenges. Mine just has a way cuter boss. And better office. And stress-free commute.

So, even though I am adding more to my workload with a new job, it is really more for the mental sharpness, resume updates, personal passion, and bank account assistance reasons. I may not even mention it to every person who asks what I do (unless it helps the company to do so). Instead, I think I will say I started a small enterprise about 2 years ago, and for the past 15 months, I have been in charge of leading and shaping the primary product for future growth. While juggling day-to-day operations of the facility, balancing the budgets, vendor negotiations and ordering, and human resource functions. Or, I could just say I'm a mom.

From Presents to Stockings

Christmas is less than a week away.

Picture at The Grove Park, post Christmas Jam fun.

For some, that means it's time to scramble to complete the wrapping, the shopping, and the baking. For others, that means it's almost time to start shopping. That would be me and Graham, respectively. This year, for budget purposes (we have a toddler, enough said), we agreed to only do stockings. Well, I proposed the idea, and he sort of grunted. I assume that means he will have no recollection of that conversation come Christmas morning. But I, for one, stuck to the stockings-only policy. Here's the thing: stockings can actually be one of the best parts about gift selection. Trying to find fun, meaningful, and needful things that fit into a sock?! And, not to brag, but I do say I've done a pretty decent job. On the offchance he were to get a wild hair and read my blog, I won't post his stocking stuffers quite yet. Instead, I'll share the contents of Hayley's stocking and some wishful thinking (ahem) for my own stocking.

Snowmen at Christmas :: My mom started a tradition of a book on Christmas Eve for me as a child. I love it. It's something I always wanted to continue with my own children. So this is Hayley's second annual Christmas Eve book. I'm just so thrilled she adores books. I mean sits-in-her-crib-alone-slowly-flipping-pages adores. Makes my heart happy.

The Snowy Day :: So, of course I had to include a book in her stocking. This is a classic.

Christmas Ornament :: I also got an ornament every year. I am continuing that for Hayley, as well. I snagged a good sale on this one (in ornament form, not a mobile), and I love supporting small businesses (especially mommy-owned!).

B. Fun Keys :: She loves keys and has lost or outgrown her sets. So, to avoid handing mine over on a permanent basis, I thought these would be a fun introduction to the car toy bag.

Toddler Apron (similar, but waaaay more expensive here) :: I snagged a deal in the Target dollar spot (Cartwheel sometimes offers additional discounts on those items!). We had originally planned a hand-crafted play kitchen for this Christmas, but we since decided to hold off one more year. But, this apron will still be fun as she starts being more helpful in the kitchen. And I'm pleased with my $2.40 purchase. Sure, it may not be as cute, but it was a tenth of the price. I'll take it.

iPhone 4s case :: What?? I don't have an iPhone 4s, or any iPhone, for that matter. That's about to change. Graham gets the upgrade, and I adopt his castoff so I can ditch the ever-disappointing Android. I was solidly in the Android corner. Until I had a child and had no patience for lagging apps and cameras that miss EVERY good photo. Also, the little income I do get relies on me having a fast, dependable phone. Buh-bye, Droid.

Moccasins :: I have literally worn holes through the bottom of mine. I love them. But, I would be just as happy if the mister used the coupons and Cartwheel offers available to get these similar ones.

Brookside Dark Chocolate Pomegranate :: Yum. And readily available at stores.

Target gift card :: It seems odd to ask for this from the hubs, but when you don't really have income, and you spend a good portion of your life at Target buying necessities and toddler things, a little momma shopping would be welcome. Especially at after-Christmas sales!

A pedicure :: Do I really need to explain this one? (and I wouldn't mind repeating the day I had with these ladies)

A finished, edited copy of Hayley's one year video. Currently, this is still in pieces.

Anyone else love picking out stuffers for stockings almost more than buying presents?!

From Master's Student to Graduate (or From Undergrad Debt to Master's Debt)

Since I mentioned last year (gulp) that I was completing my master's thesis, I thought I'd put together a summary/update/what-the-heck-ever post to tell you a little more about that experience.

In my head (sometimes a scary place, btw), I envisioned a master's education to feel/look like this:

Inquisitive Minds of a Graduate Class (such as Harvard Law). 

In reality (a sometimes even scarier place), it felt and looked a bit more like this:

Monkeys Sitting in a Room Four Hours a Week. And Writing Papers. And Discussing Parts of a Sentence.

Sad, but also, sadly, a bit true. By obligation of the mountain of student debt I now posses, I am required to say I am glad I went. And, truly, I am. Because despite the best efforts of a few misguided professors, a chaotic, in-flux school leadership team, a couple of obstinate classmates, Grammarly, Agile systems, and pregnancy brain, I did learn a few things. And because I am generous and like imparting wisdom, I will share some of what I learned with you. Free of charge. That's a $20k value. You are welcome.

Things I now know, courtesy of/because of/in spite of a master's education:

1. I hate Agile systems.
2. I also hate Grammarly. And, for the record, Microsoft is not always correct when a program suggests changes in text. Please use common sense.
3. Common sense has gone the way of dinosaurs. Or maybe, like unicorns, it just never existed. A figment of the collective imagination.
4. Sometimes you learn far more by talking to and observing those around you than by idly doodling while a professor talks at you. Good and bad, you really can gain knowledge through your surroundings.
5. Depending on the professor, you may also learn more by playing Words with Friends. Unless you cheat. Don't cheat. It's just a game. A game I must always win (ahem, Niki).
6. It is possible to conduct research, write, edit, assemble a presentation, and present a thesis in a period of four weeks. It's just not fun. But, procrastinators can rejoice. Later.
7. Professors aren't perfect. They're people with people flaws. So if a professor doesn't like you because all the young people are stealing their spouse's jobs (and you have been lumped into the young people group)...well, that professor may hold a grudge. Probably nothing to be done about it except try to be better to others than others are to you. And, find out what job was stolen. Maybe it's a good one that you should go after. Hey, it's a dog-eat-dog employment market. Especially for young people. (No dogs were harmed in the composition of this post).
8. Some professors are good. They will go above and beyond the expectations of the class, the program, the school, and maybe even you. Cherish those professors like the last box of Hostess Twinkies. Unlike Twinkies, they won't be around in 100 years.
9. You can never count an opportunity to learn, in whatever form that learning comes, as a waste of time. Stop learning and you stop growing. You might even regress to one the monkeys in the classroom pictured above.
10. I absolutely am grateful for the experience and treasure the connections I made with two fantastic women that I can call role models, leaders, peers, and friends. Hey, we even started a blog. Oops, speaking of said blog, I am pretty sure it's my turn to post. Maybe I could just "repurpose" this post... Unfortunately, I think they may have paid attention to the part of the program about self-plagiarism. 

My Take 3 Ladies. We're Wearing Our Most Expensive Outfits.

Bottom Line: Leadership is an under-valued and under-taught skill. I am glad I have a piece of paper that says I attempted to learn more about it and how to do it better. Even if it is the most expensive piece of paper I own. Except, perhaps, my marriage certificate or my daughter's birth certificate.