From Motivation to Inspiration

I suffer from a very serious condition called Domestic Block. It's similar in nature to Writer's Block, but people suffering from DB will often be found staring idly at a wall with a puzzled look on their faces, or clicking away at nothing on their computers, or even wandering their homes looking lost. You see, people with DB forget all the things they need and want to do around the house whenever they have the time to tackle such projects. They may be overwhelmed with a mental task list while chasing kids around, showering, or running errands. But, given the time and freedom, they can think of none of those things they have to do. It's a very aggravating condition.

I make lists. I LOVE lists. Sometimes, though, I try to make a list only to be struck with Domestic Writer's Block, a secondary condition associated with DB. I can't think of what foods I need for the week to make food; I can't think of things to make for dinner; I can't think of the chores around the house I need to do; and I can't think of the projects I've been meaning to attempt. Until naptime is over, or I'm stranded without a phone/pen & paper, or I've fallen asleep for the night. Dangit.

Recently, a friend sent me a helpful link to a premade agenda with tasks lists already filled out for the days of the week, all the way through the year. Wow. I know there are lots of sites and blogs that talk about various things to schedule for yourself to do on a daily/weekly basis, but this one actually has the list completed. And, it's free. Yay! (Sound good? You can find it here.)

I printed out the first month as a trial for myself. Here's what I like about it: I don't need or want to do everything on the pre-assembled list. However, it does inspire me to add tasks I do want to do. And, that's where this post's title comes from. The friend who sent me the link commented that it is helping her stay motivated. I need motivation in lots of areas (hello, working out), but in this area, I really need inspiration more.

For me, Pinterest is a place where I (obviously) pin ridiculous things I will never have/do/try, but it is also a place where I pin things that inspire me to other things. There are a lot of things on my boards I will never use, but there are also a lot of things I do in life I don't pin. It can, of course, be a time waster. There's so much to get lost in. But, I also know that it helps me by providing DIY organization projects that inspire me to think outside of the box (store) and look around for items in my house to repurpose.

Today, after printing the premade agenda for the week, I followed about 5 of the items and then added 7 others. Like clean my Keurig. Reorganize my coffee station (might have come from standing at the Keurig for an hour while I cleaned it). De-static my upholstered ottomans. Dust behind the entertainment stand. Write a blog post. Eat some pretzels and Nutella (side note: why was that not on the to-do list??)

Anyway, doing things I could cross off the "stock" list and then adding and crossing off things I needed/wanted to do made me feel pretty accomplished. Which then motivates me to spend this evening catching up on a few work projects. And, because it's one of the best shows ever made for TV, Parenthood.

So, I guess I really should have called this From Inspiration to Motivation. Except, none of this motivated me to work out today. Especially not the Nutella indulgence.

From Mom Work to Mom + Work

This week, I started a part-time (10ish hrs/wk) job, with the potential for additional hours/responsibilities. The challenge for me is that we aren't sending Hayley to a daycare or parent's morning out program. The morning out program may eventually come to pass, but for now, I am still staying home with her for financial and logistical reasons. Also, she can be pretty fun to hang around with.

The great thing about the new role is the ability to work any hours, from home. That said, I am feeling the challenge of balancing play time, work time, other work (additional side project) time, house duties time, meal time, errand time, and oh yeah, maybe me time. With everything else we have going on (more on this later this week), it is definitely filling my plate. Lucky for me, I love a good challenge.

I posted this article on Facebook this week. It's a fantastic (and quick) read. I encourage you to take a few moments to look at it. But, if you don't, the gist is the author working through "owning" being a mom. Just a mom. Because as progressive as we like to think we are as a society, there is still a stigma around staying home with your kid(s). My good friend, Niki, did her master's thesis on women opting-out of the workplace (taking a break to focus on family). Bug her for a summary of her paper and results...maybe an upcoming post for The Take3??

Anyway, when you do choose to be a parent at home, it is an emotionally taxing decision. As is choosing to work. I don't want to marginalize either choice, so I'm just focusing this post on the choice to stay home. But, both choice deserve equal respect. For me, it was incredibly challenging to find an internal justification for staying home. Even though I worked remotely (mostly from home) for 18 months before Hayley came along, dropping the external work role felt...awkward. Almost wrong. I kept a side work project as a contractor, partly to give my mind a reason to stay sharp in the working world, and partly to feel like I was still contributing, both to the workforce and to the household income.

The thing is, I was trying to justify a decision we made. I know I don't watch TV, binge on junk food, and shop all day. My family knows it. My mommy friends know it. But, I still felt the need to justify what I was doing, if only for myself. The article really speaks to me in needing to completely dedicate myself to my mommy role. Because it is my full time job. The difference is I know the employers pretty well and I don't have a blood-pressure-skyrocketing commute. Sure, the pay is pretty awful, but I've had jobs on the outside that weren't all the great in the check department.

Maybe it would have been easier to own if I had interviewed with my husband and a few other people. If I had prepared to discuss the ways in which I would enhance the organization and support my coworkers. If I had negotiated days off (really wish I had done that!). If I had waited to receive an acceptance email or call, welcoming me to the new position. Maybe then I would have mentally acknowledged this as a job. One that is recognized in the world, and one that I can claim at any event and in any group, without having to quickly say I also kept up my contracted clients. That I also volunteer. Yada, yada. My title could simply be Mom, and I would be okay.

My office/playroom (from Instagram...follow me here).

After much reflecting at onset of the new year, I truly can say I am proud of what my husband and I chose to do, and I am blessed we had the choice as an option. Sure, it's been unbelievably tough at times. But, all jobs have their challenges. Mine just has a way cuter boss. And better office. And stress-free commute.

So, even though I am adding more to my workload with a new job, it is really more for the mental sharpness, resume updates, personal passion, and bank account assistance reasons. I may not even mention it to every person who asks what I do (unless it helps the company to do so). Instead, I think I will say I started a small enterprise about 2 years ago, and for the past 15 months, I have been in charge of leading and shaping the primary product for future growth. While juggling day-to-day operations of the facility, balancing the budgets, vendor negotiations and ordering, and human resource functions. Or, I could just say I'm a mom.

From Coffee to the Salamander

Let me explain...I must have coffee in the morning. I am, by now, positive it is 90% in my head, but still, the fact is I must have it. So, first thing I do after getting Hayley up and ready is to start the coffee while I start her breakfast. Seems like a sound plan. So she has her oatmeal and fruit, followed by a not-so-yummy bottle. Then it's time to help me get ready for the day (shower, dress, get a face on). After all this, it is time for a nap (sometimes for me, but in this case, I mean Hayley). After getting her down for a nap, I rush downstairs to wash dishes, clean her bottles, pick up the breakfast mess, start laundry, and then grab 10-15 minutes of computer time before she wakes. 

Then it's back up to get her up and dressed for the day. Now she's ready to play so we have some floor time with toys upstairs for a bit before coming downstairs to get in her jumper and hop away. When she's bored of that, it's usually time to switch the laundry and do some more cleaning, so she tags along. Then it's either lunch (a pureed veggie) or bottle time before the next nap. 

OK, next nap commences so I am either taking a nap myself on the bad days or I am catching up on some work. I also usually make something for lunch at this point. Wake up time again! Now it's back to the jumper for a bit to wake up and stretch. At this point, she usually plays more with the toys on the jumper rather than hopping. One of those toys is a spinning salamander. She loves to make it spin. While I watch in amusement, I realize I have yet to actually drink my coffee. In fact, it's still sitting on the Keurig. Dang. (Full disclosure there are days where I remember it while working and will drink it then. Those are good days.)

Image from http://www.domesticatedmomma.com/

All of that brings me to my point. I miss my brain. I've said it and alluded to it before, but some days I lament the mushiness that remains where a once-functioning brain used to be. All I have now is Mommy Brain. It happens to the best of us, I guess. 

I have artfully-crafted this post many times in my most-favorite thinking place (the shower), and yet, by the time I have a moment to actually compose the words, I am left with a blank stare and idle fingers. (I promise it was supposed to be full of intriguing insights and thoughtful considerations.) Had I not had a brief, striking moment of clarity at 2 a.m. this morning, it may not have been written at all. But while staring at the ceiling and counting the minutes I was wasting, I suddenly thought of many words I tried to think of over the course of the last week. Words I used to use frequently in my vocabulary. (These days, I am lucky to remember "vocabulary".) I suppose it is how nature intends. When you are a mom, your first and largest thoughts must be centered around your child. The next portion is for your significant other/family. And then typically work, household, etc. The last thing you get to use your brain for is yourself. All the more reason to exercise not only your body, but also your mind (does Words with Friends count?).

So I get the reasoning behind my dearly-departed brain, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I guess I have to take solace in what I can still do with it.

Ask me where the favorite paci, cherished Sophie teether, newest favorite toy, or closest bib is, and I can tell you without blinking.

Ask me to spell salamander, and you will probably have some time to go make coffee for yourself.